Kiss It Better
by JussCallMeBilly
Summary: Oneshot. The first time I kissed Veronica Mars, she cried. LoVe


Title- Kiss It Better

Author- Monica

Spoilers- Not Pictured, The Wrath of Con, Weapons of Class Destruction (loosely)

Rating- PG-13

Disclaimer- None of it belongs to me

A/N- Just a quick One-shot. I took some liberty with how Logan actually met the rest of the Fab Four. The entire fic is in Logan's POV. Reviews would be nice.

KISS IT BETTER

The first time I kissed Veronica Mars she cried.

Well, no, that is not exactly true. The first time I kissed Veronica was _while_ she was crying-and the minute I kissed her she began to laugh.

We had been twelve at the time. I had moved to Neptune months before, just at the beginning of June. We had not moved in even a week before the Kanes came to visit. My mother was convinced they were being neighborly; I think they were checking out the competition.

I was upstairs trying to finish unpacking my room when Aaron demanded I come downstairs. I was met at the bottom of the staircase with possibly the best looking family I had ever seen. Jake alone was a powerful presence. He was handsome, just starting to gray at his temple. I knew the very second I saw him he was a business man. Celeste looked like every other 09er mother. Thin, gorgeous, and of course dressed immaculately. She rested her delicate hand on a tall boy. He was the perfect mixture of his two parents and looked around my age. Next to him was a beautiful blonde girl, who did not at all convince me she was quite as sweet as she looked.

There was an awkward pause as I assessed the Kanes. My mother appeared from the kitchen with drinks in hand and began the introductions. "Everyone, this is our son Logan. Logan, this is Duncan and Lilly Kane and their parents. You three will be in school together in the fall."

"Oh goodie," was all I could think to muster. I felt Aaron's hand close on my shoulder hard. Note to self, do not embarrass Aaron in front of new friends.

"Uhh, do you play soccer?" Duncan tried. I shook my head.

"See, not everybody is as lame as you, Donut," Lilly teased, playfully nudging her brother.

"Shut up, you play too," Duncan shoved back.

"Donut?" I asked with sudden interest. Lilly's smile turned wicked.

"How much longer do we do the phony Brady scene?" Lilly asked much to the horror of her parents. A few diplomatic words were exchanged as well as ridiculous apologies for busy schedules. I assumed that would be the last I would see of the infamous Kanes.

The next morning, I was struggling with boredom when I heard pounding at my window. I opened the window to find Duncan, Lilly, and a mysterious blonde girl standing outside, rocks in hand. Lilly and the tiny blonde one were wearing matching baggy uniforms.

Back then, Veronica and Lilly could have passed as twins. Of course, even in their identical attire you could tell them apart. Lilly had her long blonde hair down and had tied her shirt in the back to show some stomach. Veronica was sporting braided pigtails, and long yellow socks to match her shirt.

"You wanna go to a game?" Duncan shouted up to me. I shrugged. There really wasn't anything better to do.

And that was the beginning of the Fab Four. But then again, this story is not about our meeting. Not entirely anyways.

Later at the soccer field, Duncan and I sat on the bleachers as Lilly and Veronica played. Well, rather Veronica played. Lilly was trooped out at midfield, flirting with a linesman. Lilly, I had learned, had been best friends with Veronica her entire life.

"So, what do you think?" Duncan asked.

"She's cute," I admitted.

"I meant about Neptune," Duncan laughed. He coughed awkwardly though.

"I was talking about Veronica," I clarified, not wanting my new friend to think he was staring at his sister.

"I know," DK answered softly. A sudden scream interrupted our conversation. Veronica lay in a heap on the field, crying her eyes out. Lilly stood over her; splitting her attention between helping her friend and yelling at the bitch who hurt her. Duncan and I ran onto the field to lend a helping hand. We scooped her up and carried her onto the sidelines.

"Get her some ice," the Coach directed Duncan after we set her down. Veronica was grabbing her ankle, tears streaming down her face. The Coach bent down and whispered some comforting words to her before turning his attention back to the game. I hovered around her, unsure what to do.

"Um, do you need anything else? Some water, perhaps a dance number?" I tried. Veronica looked up at me like I was crazy but smiled nonetheless. Her smile made me want to be a funnier person.

"I could use a foot massage," she replied, tongue-in-cheek. She lifted up her dirty leg to showcase her muddy cleats. I wrinkled my nose which caused her to laugh. "You must think I am a pretty big dork, huh?" I don't know why, but it seemed as if my opinion really mattered to this girl.

"No. In fact this whole damsel in distress is quite appealing," I joked. I kicked at the grass to occupy the silence. My foot accidentally bumped into her ankle. She howled and the tears flowed quicker. "I am so sorry," I apologized quickly, bending down to try and help her.

She composed herself quickly. "Kiss it better." I laughed at her. A tear-filled face set in a determined expression made her look adorable. "I'm serious!" she pouted. She extended her leg.

Before I knew what I was doing, I leaned in a placed a chaste kiss on her lips. I quickly drew back as if I had been burned. She burst into laughter. I could feel my cheeks color as she laughed at me. Veronica saw the look on my face and became somber. "Oh! I wasn't laughing at you!" She put in quickly. I wasn't convinced. "It's just that I'm sweaty, and crying, and dirty…" she took a deep breath. The next part was said softly. "I guess it is not how I pictured my first kiss."

Duncan had suddenly reappeared with a bag of ice. He placed it gingerly on her ankle and began talking to her. I wished he hadn't though. Maybe then I would have had the guts to tell her it was my first kiss too.

--

The second time we had kissed, we had made it a whole thirty seconds before Veronica began to cry.

I fleetingly wondered if she always cried when she kissed Duncan. I didn't think so.

"Lilly was my best friend," she told me. As if I didn't know _that. _

Last year, after Lilly's death, the entire school was forced to attend an assembly on dealing with loss. They outlined all the stages of grief. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. The guidance counselor later asked me which one I thought I was dealing with. I told her they had forgotten guilt. Guilt because I had to live everyday after Lilly had died. Guilt over dating her best friend.

"I can't." she whispered. I decided it wouldn't be smart to point out she had kissed me first.

"Veronica," I sighed. She closed her eyes to avoid looking at me. I sucked in a deep breath. This had been the first time I had seen Veronica cry. Sure, she had cried loads of times back when we were friends, back at Lilly's funeral.

This was the first time he had ever seen short-haired, screw the world Veronica cry. "Please, don't cry," I whispered to her. Veronica had always been one of those people who could still look absolutely beautiful while crying. If only it didn't break my heart every time I had to watch her.

"This isn't…we…"

"I have tried to hate you, Veronica. And I can't. I know this doesn't make any sense, and I won't pretend to understand it…but nothing makes sense to me anymore. Not after my mom, and Duncan, and Lill-"

"Logan, they're can't be an 'us'. I can't do that to Lilly." Veronica tried to run again, but I grabbed her wrists. Life is kind of funny. I wake up in the morning wanting to make her life a living hell. I spend my afternoon trying to rescue her from a cop. Would I really go through all that if I didn't care for her?

"Lilly is dead." Shit. That came out harsher than I thought it would. The look on Veronica was pure hatred. "That didn't come out ri-"

"A year, Logan. That is as long as she has been dead! And you just want to forget-"

"Forget? Four hundred and two days, Veronica. _That_ is how long she has been dead. Do you want me to keep going? I can do how many hours; minutes…do not tell me I have EVER forgotten Lilly because I haven't. Not for one day in over a year."

"I know," she answered softly. "I'm sorry." We stood in silence for awhile. "That's just it though. We're both in love with a ghost. How would we ever…"

Well, there was nothing to say to that.

"I'm sorry, Logan. I am really sorry."

Veronica was halfway to her car when he yelled to her, "You've been punishing yourself for too long, Veronica." She ignored me.

I thought about the past year. About how she had hardened and kept everyone at bay. I was partly to blame for that. I thought about how all her new friends seemed to be guys- no one who could ever replace Lilly. Everything she surrounded herself with now had no part in her old life. No reminders of what they were... what they should have been.

I ran after her. I caught her at her car and prevented her from opening it. "I don't know how to make this better, Ronnie-"

"Well, for starters, _never_ call me that again," she joked.

"What do you want me to do? Perhaps a dance number?" I saw her eyes gloss over with the memory. If anything, it seemed to make her sadder. "It is just that... I think I could learn to love you. Maybe even more than I loved her. I want to give us a chance."

"I just don't want to feel guilty about this. Not this too," she explained. I nodded my understanding. Guilt. How could I blame her for feeling guilty when I do everyday of my life? Veronica slowly returned to me. "I don't know. After everything we have been through…how could we?"

Her face was full of hope. She wanted, _needed_, me to tell her it was okay. "How could we not?"

I could see her thinking it over in her head. I reached out to wipe the stains of tears on her cheeks. No one deserved to go through what she had- what we all had. Everyone deserved some happiness.

She wrapped her arms around me and buried herself into my chest. "I just want you to be happy," I whispered into her hair.

"Happiness is overrated," she told me.

"So is guilt."

--

It was hard to believe that Cassidy jumped to his death only a week ago. It is even harder to believe that I wasn't the one to push him. I thought it would be impossible to hate anyone more than I hated my father. Beaver gave him a run for his money.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Veronica asked meekly. I realized I must have looked like a total nut job sitting on the couch in the dark.

"Come on now, you learned long ago that I don't actually think." I reached out to turn on a lamp, but Veronica caught my hand. Ever since my father had been killed, Veronica was constantly looking at me like she was expecting me to fall apart.

"Keep it off," she suggested. I pulled her onto my lap and began to kiss her. She initially seemed surprised but soon was kissing me back with the same urgency. I loved how she never wanted my explanation yet always knew how to make it better. She applied some pressure to my shoulders, and I fell onto my back. I slowly began to kiss my way down to her neck until I reached the spot that made her shiver. I was too busy concentrating on what I was doing to think.

_Pink_. _Plink_.

Two drops of water landed on my cheek. A leaky roof would really be the perfect way to end the month from hell.

_Plink_.

Now it was just plain annoying. "Hang on," I told Veronica, attempting to escape from her attack on my lips. As I tried to sit up, Veronica pulled eagerly at my shirt. I obliged and lift my arms up to help her out. "I just... uh, have to.." I trailed off as she began to nibble on my ear. Oh yes, this girl was good. "Veronica..."

"Stop talking," she begged me as she tried unzip my pants and kiss me at the same time.

_Plink_. _Plink_. _Plink_.

I finally managed to sit up and turn on a lamp. Light illuminated Veronica's face and exposed that her eyes were blood shot and that tears were falling heavily down her cheeks.

"Veronica-"

"Don't!" She warned me, leaning over and kissing me again. This time I was quicker at pulling away from her.

"What's wrong?"

"Are we going to have sex or not?" She questioned me. I sat dumbfounded at her directness.

"This isn't like you-" but she had already launched herself at me again. "Stop... Veronica, let's talk... STOP," I finally yelled at her. I held onto her elbows to push her away so I could look at her. She had begun to visibly shake. "Talk to me," I begged.

"I can't," she told me.

"What happened?" I asked. I knew she would be vulnerable after her incident on the roof, but since her father came back she seemed to be fine.

"He raped me," she whispered. I pulled her into my arms as she began to cry harder. I rocked slowly in what I could only hope was comforting. "He rape me."

"I know. I'm so sorry."

She sniffed. "'S not your fault," she cried. I rub small circles on her back. "I thought I would be fine. I've known for over a year. It's just.. just..." she began to hiccup uncontrollably.

"You have every right to be upset," I told her.

"Every time I close my eyes I **see **his face. I can't stop thinking about how he-"

"Shh, don't think about that." The truth was all I could think about was how he became one of my closest friends. How that bastard had hurt Veronica. How he had gotten away with it every single day...

Veronica must have felt me tense up because she quickly said, "I am so sorry for laying this all on you."

I once again pulled her away from me to look her in the eye. "Never apologize for this. This was **not **your fault."

She nodded quickly as she longed to be wrapped in another hug. I allowed her to fall back into my arms. "I hate how he's ruined this for us," she confessed. "I hate him."

"Me too." We stayed this way for a long time. Veronica was still crying softly but seemed to be in more control. "You want me to take you home?" She shook her head against me.

"I want to just stay like this forever."

"That'd be nice." I squeezed her shoulder lightly. Some days it was hard not to hate the world for what it had done to Veronica. Other days I loved it for giving me this beautiful girl that I had never deserved. I knew I would trade my life for hers in a heartbeat. I had almost done it that night on the roof. I only wish there was something I could do to take her pain away. Anything.

Veronica sat up and wiped her eyes. She shifted uncomfortably. She always seemed to be embarrassed after crying in font of me. "I look like such a dork, huh?" She laughed.

"A beautiful dork," I corrected. "Let me help you."

"You can," she assured me. I awkwardly looked at her, asking for an explanation.

"Kiss it better."


End file.
